August 6, 2008
home depot scam
A "heads up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
Continue reading "home depot scam"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 12:56 AM | Comments (0)
May 23, 2008
Launching a New Boat Goes Bad
One 65' custom-built motor yacht replete with 4 staterooms, state-of-the-art OK CB...Hope your luck is a lot better when it is time to launch you yacht...
galley, GPS System and navigation radar, twin supercharged diesel engines, etc.
Cost:........................................ $4,500,000.00
Being prepared for maiden launch. Crane transfer from quayside to water.
Other costs
Crane + rigging + labour engaged for 2 hours.......................................... = $2,500.00
Champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries with cream ................... = $300.00
Music dockside for 'soon-to-be-owners' and a small group of friends.... = $500.00
Photographer to capture the happy moment..................................................... = $350.00
..and then......
Continue reading "Launching a New Boat Goes Bad"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:14 AM | Comments (3)
April 14, 2008
Thanks For the Warning
Continue reading "Thanks For the Warning"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)
January 29, 2008
Jock Vs Nerd --This is impossible to grasp
Michael Jordan having "retired", with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not. If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there. If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415/hour more than minimum wage. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
Continue reading "Jock Vs Nerd --This is impossible to grasp"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 5:30 PM | Comments (0)
January 3, 2008
With One Pen Stroke
Such artistry!
This picture was done with one pen stroke.
It starts on tip of the nose and ends on the bottom.
Check out the copyright date.
Make sure to click on the image to see a bit more detail.
Continue reading "With One Pen Stroke"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)
December 20, 2007
THE CHICKEN BUSINESS
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
Continue reading "THE CHICKEN BUSINESS"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)
December 19, 2007
Half-Wit
The Indiana State Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
" Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. "
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:55 PM | Comments (0)
November 22, 2007
A Very Sesame Thanksgiving
This nifty piece of Office Spam was submitted by gid.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 4:06 PM | Comments (0)
November 2, 2007
1977 Time Warp
Timeless style ... Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found
It is not often that I get to find out where some of this great officespam comes from, but on this post the author was nice enough to let me know where it came from. Feel free to skip this post and head over to 15 Minute Lunch and see this post in the original form. here
something under the insulation. What we found was this:
A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often e-mail fodder just falls in my lap, but this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:
Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:
There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.
The clothes are fantastic.
Here's how to get your butt kicked in elementary school:
Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.
Here's how to get your butt kicked in high school:
This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.
Here's how to get your butt kicked on the golf course:
This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against butt-rapery.
Here's how to get your butt kicked pretty much anywhere:
If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.
Here's how to get your butt kicked at the beach:
He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.
How to get your butt kicked in a meeting:
Continue reading "1977 Time Warp"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:23 PM | Comments (4)
September 26, 2007
Thirty terrible puns
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
Can you say Dunder Mifflin Infinity? Join in the fun.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Continue reading "Thirty terrible puns"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:13 PM | Comments (0)
September 24, 2007
The little tug that could
This is amazing!! Look at each picture slowly and completely - in order to the end. If not for the photos no one would believe this!!!
Continue reading "The little tug that could"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 12:04 PM | Comments (1)
August 25, 2007
Interesting Geography Facts
ALASKA
More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.
AMAZON
The Amazon Rain Forest produces more than 20% the world's oxygen supply. The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon River is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.
ANTARCTICA
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, i.e.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet -- with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.
BRAZIL
Brazil got its name from the nut -- not the other way around.
CANADA
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning " Big Village."
CHICAGO
Next to Warsaw , Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.
DETROIT
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan carries the designation M-1 . . . so named because it was the first paved road anywhere.
DAMASCUS, Syria
Damascus , Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.
Continue reading "Interesting Geography Facts"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 7:40 AM | Comments (2)
August 21, 2007
BAD DAY AT HALLMARK
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder.....
"What the hell was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day!!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
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How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
Continue reading "BAD DAY AT HALLMARK"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:42 AM | Comments (1)
August 13, 2007
Legitimate Companies
All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread.
These are not made up. Check them out yourself!
1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com
2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try "The Rapist Finder" at www.therapistfinder.com
Continue reading "Legitimate Companies"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:47 PM | Comments (2)
July 26, 2007
The Ring
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:44 PM | Comments (0)
July 18, 2007
Nose Picking Study
There was a study on nose-picking published in February of 1995 in the Journal of Psychiatry. Yes, you read it right - college professors being paid the big bucks to find out who picks their nose.
Of the 1000 surveys mailed out, only 254 were completed and returned to the researchers.
- 8.7% claim that they have never picked their nose. (In other words, they are liars or they can't remember doing it as a kid.)
- 91% stated that they had picked their nose in the past and were still actively practicing this habit. Yet, only 49.2% of the respondents actually thought that nose-picking was common in adults.
- 9.2% rate their pickin' as "more than average."
- 25.6% actually pick their noses daily, 22.3% do it 2 to 5 times each day, and three people admitted to doing it at least hourly.
- 55.5% spent 1-5 minutes, 23.5% spent 5-15 minutes, and 0.8% (2 people) spent 15-30 minutes each day cleaning their nostrils. One lone soul claims to devote over 2 hours each day to this ritual (I'm not a doctor and I can tell you that this guy definitely has rhinotillexomania).
Continue reading "Nose Picking Study"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:28 PM | Comments (0)
June 27, 2007
How to quickly detect a 2 way mirror
When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc. How many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them. There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms or bathroom or bedrooms.
It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at?
Continue reading "How to quickly detect a 2 way mirror"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 5:37 PM | Comments (2)
June 22, 2007
FASCINATING
Watch this....
Continue reading "FASCINATING"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:18 PM | Comments (0)
June 21, 2007
Lightning bolt hits House
It never occurred to Mr Quinnell that his new hobby - photographing storms - could be dangerous.
"In the north you could see a few stars and it wasn't raining," he recalled.
"The storm looked like it was five to 10 kilometres to the south. I thought it was perfectly safe to be outdoors, taking photos."
After setting the camera for a four-second exposure he began shooting pictures, suspecting there was little chance of lightning flashing while the shutter was open.
"I hit the button … and there was nothing. I hit the button again … and nothing. On about the fourth attempt I hit the button again and I saw this lightning and heard the thunder."
Continue reading "Lightning bolt hits House"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 7:26 AM | Comments (5)
June 15, 2007
For You Math Lovers
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop-off (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you are. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you are. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Continue reading "For You Math Lovers"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 3:56 PM | Comments (0)
June 11, 2007
Tennessee Pot House
Continue reading "Tennessee Pot House"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:15 PM | Comments (7)
June 1, 2007
the wedding test
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always saw more than what could be considered appropriate. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and Committed my life to her sister.
Continue reading "the wedding test"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 12:50 PM | Comments (3)
May 24, 2007
Fish Face
Just when you thought you had seen it all....
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:41 PM | Comments (1)
May 18, 2007
Euro-English Official Language of Europe
News Flash:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Continue reading "Euro-English Official Language of Europe"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:06 AM | Comments (1)
May 17, 2007
Male or Female?
This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.
Are you male or female?
To find out the answer, look down...
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>>>Look down, not scroll down, dummy! Jeeeesssshhhh!
Continue reading "Male or Female?"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:40 PM | Comments (0)
May 14, 2007
Natural Highs
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
Continue reading "Natural Highs"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:55 AM | Comments (1)
April 27, 2007
Odd Fact
At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this year, The time and date will be: 02:03:04 05/06/07.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 3:50 PM | Comments (0)
Check Out the Size of this DOG!
Hercules was recently awarded the honorable distinction of Worlds Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an English Mastiff and has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.
With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), the three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's standard 200lb. limit. Hercules owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal food and he just grew".... and grew... and grew... and grew.
Continue reading "Check Out the Size of this DOG!"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:09 AM | Comments (11)
April 12, 2007
WORDS WOMEN USE
1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.
(Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
Continue reading "WORDS WOMEN USE"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:22 AM | Comments (0)
April 11, 2007
Rory and Millie
(You Don't Fool Anyone Pretending To Be A Dog)
Just like his Labrador friends, he wags his tail, fetches sticks, and rolls on his back to have his tummy tickled.
But the hooves and mane give way his real identity - he's a SHETLAND PONY!
Eight-week old RORY picked up his canine traits after he was befriended by dogs at the Essex Horse and Pony Sanctuary in Pitsea.
Continue reading "Rory and Millie"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 4:56 PM | Comments (0)
April 8, 2007
Easter Greetings
Continue reading "Easter Greetings"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:14 PM | Comments (1)
April 5, 2007
Unique Underwater Restaurant.....
The World's First All-glass Undersea Restaurant Opens
It is located at the Maldives Hilton Resort on the Indian Ocean. p.s. Wonder how much meals costs here? And also wonder if anyone pays any attention to their meal?!
Check Out This Restaurant! How cool is that?
Continue reading "Unique Underwater Restaurant....."
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:45 AM | Comments (2)
March 28, 2007
Dad can I borrow the car?
New Ferrari for Dad $1,000,000
Son borrows Dad's new car to try out......
and hits Power Pole at 200 MPH.
Continue reading "Dad can I borrow the car?"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 7:12 PM | Comments (11)
March 26, 2007
Great White and a Sea Kayah
Can you say "C-H-U-M?" (for you landlubber types, that’s fish bait).
How to tell if your boat is too small....... Taken from the bridge of an anchored yacht.
Continue reading "Great White and a Sea Kayah"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:42 AM | Comments (1)
March 13, 2007
Water Bridge
Water bridge... Over a river!!! Even after you see it, it is still hard to believe ! Water Bridge in Germany.... What a feat! Six years, 500 million euros, 918 meters long.......now this is engineering! This is a channel-bridge over the River Elbe and joins the former East and West Germany, as part of the unification project. It is located in the city of Magdeburg, near Berlin.
Continue reading "Water Bridge"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:54 PM | Comments (9)
March 12, 2007
Now That Is A Tree
Continue reading "Now That Is A Tree"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)
March 9, 2007
Weeding Out The Weakest
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular attrition of the weakest members.
Continue reading "Weeding Out The Weakest"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:25 PM | Comments (0)
Broke Back Mountain Lady
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.
He returned around 2:30am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots."
Continue reading "Broke Back Mountain Lady"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:03 AM | Comments (0)
March 7, 2007
Only in Louisiana
For everyone who has endured inept, govt bureacracy.
Only in Louisiana - you have to love this lawyer - It's too good not to share!
Everyone who has ever bought a house will enjoy this. A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
Continue reading "Only in Louisiana"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 7:52 AM | Comments (1)
March 6, 2007
Chinese eye test
Whoever thought this up is twisted
Continue reading "Chinese eye test"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 3:04 PM | Comments (10)
March 5, 2007
Tattoos of the geeky kind
Continue reading "Tattoos of the geeky kind"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:45 PM | Comments (1)
March 2, 2007
Way too much time on their hands
Yes someone had way too much time on their hands. Any guesses as to how many carts are being used?
Continue reading "Way too much time on their hands"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:11 PM | Comments (1)
February 28, 2007
LOST PUPPY! Please Help
I know most of you are dog lovers and will help us. Our neighbor has lost her Chihuahua and is desperate to find him. She does a lot of traveling and always takes her dog with her.
Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV. She called out for her puppy with no response, and the back door was open.
She has been putting up signs everywhere. If you see this dog, please let me know and I will notify her. Your help would be greatly appreciated.
Continue reading "LOST PUPPY! Please Help"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:50 AM | Comments (6)
February 19, 2007
Now These are Icicles!
The incredible sight you are about to see is in Versoix, a town close to Geneva City, Switzerland. The Leman Lake is in the background.
Continue reading "Now These are Icicles!"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:47 PM | Comments (0)
February 12, 2007
CLEAN CAN BE FUNNY...enjoy!!!
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." **************************************************
Continue reading "CLEAN CAN BE FUNNY...enjoy!!!"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 6:53 AM | Comments (0)
February 6, 2007
Priorities
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Infinities and Lexus' in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim? " asked the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replied!
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:19 PM | Comments (0)
February 5, 2007
Barbie for the Chattanooga area
Toys have gotten a lot more market-driven since I was a kid... Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Chattanooga Area
"Lookout Mountain Barbie" This princess Barbie is sold only at Fairfield Commons Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
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Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:06 AM | Comments (2)
February 3, 2007
Not a pretty sight!
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU:
1) have nothing to do
2) own a sharp knife
3) have a large lime
4) own a patient cat
5) drink too much tequila
Continue reading "Not a pretty sight!"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:47 AM | Comments (0)
February 1, 2007
My Executive Resume
My Resume1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it -mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
Continue reading "My Executive Resume"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:56 PM | Comments (0)
January 23, 2007
Wal-Mart job application
WAL-MART APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas
They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ?
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
Continue reading "Wal-Mart job application"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:49 AM | Comments (55)
January 22, 2007
How to have a successful Marriage
How to Have a Successful Marriage
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple ". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America, " explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once. "
Continue reading "How to have a successful Marriage"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:23 AM | Comments (0)
January 10, 2007
Trip To Wal-Mart (this is a funny one)
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton gets this letter from Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:
- June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
- July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
- July 7: Made! a trai l of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies rest rooms.
- July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what happened.
- August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
- September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
- September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
- September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
- October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
- November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
- December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission I! mpossib le" theme.
- December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
- December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
- December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And last, but not least... - December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Continue reading "Trip To Wal-Mart (this is a funny one)"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:38 AM | Comments (6)
January 9, 2007
Dumb luck - ALMOST a Darwin Award winner
Can you believe this..........I guess it takes all kinds to make a world. I get the willys just looking at the pictures................
* * * W-O-W ..... I mean , 900 meters - - - that's about 1,000 ft. in human terms . . . . ! ! !
This is a case of photographer photographs photographer. The following photographs were taken by photographer Hans van de Vorst at the Grand Canyon, Arizona. The descriptions are his own. The identity of the photographer IN the photos is unknown.
I was simply stunned seeing this guy standing on this solitary rock IN the Grand Canyon.
The canyon's depth is 900 meters here. The rock on the right is next to the canyon and safe.
Watching this guy on his thong sandals, with a camera and a tripod I asked myself 3 questions:
1. How did he climb that rock? 2. Why not taking that sunset picture on that rock to the right, which is perfectly safe? 3. How will he get back?
Continue reading "Dumb luck - ALMOST a Darwin Award winner"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:39 AM | Comments (8)
January 8, 2007
Check Out the Sand Art !!!!
Sand Art at Harrison Lake, British Columbia
Continue reading "Check Out the Sand Art !!!!"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 4:52 PM | Comments (1)
December 27, 2006
Answers for the Holiday Trivia Contest
What do they use for Christmas Trees in India?
Banana trees and mango trees
Where country does the name Santa Clause come from?
Holland - Dutch - Sinter Klaas
What is the name of the brother of Santa Clause?
Bells Nichols – Due to the wide number of possible correct answers this question was tossed out.
In the holiday classic movie “Holiday Inn” which song was nominated for an Academy Award?
1. White Christmas
2. Snow-snow-snow
3. Sisters
4. Count your Blessings Instead of Sheep *
In the 1988 film "Scrooged," the character played by Bill Murray is:
a) a cold-hearted banker
b) a cold-hearted TV executive
c) a cold-hearted police officer
d) a cold-hearted politician
Continue reading "Answers for the Holiday Trivia Contest"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:08 AM | Comments (0)
Wildest Christmas Dinner
Wildest Christmas Dinner
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners.
This won first prize.
**************************************************
Christmas With Louise
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale.
Continue reading "Wildest Christmas Dinner"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:01 AM | Comments (0)
December 23, 2006
marijuana
I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith...He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.
Thank you very much for the call, sir.
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and left. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd...did the Sheriff come?
Yeah!
Did they chop your firewood?
"Yep!
Happy Birthday, buddy!
(Rednecks know how to git-ER-dun)
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:18 AM | Comments (2)
December 15, 2006
Christmas Carols for the Disturbed
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...
Continue reading "Christmas Carols for the Disturbed"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:56 AM | Comments (0)
December 13, 2006
VODKA - Who Knew!
1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
Continue reading "VODKA - Who Knew!"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:35 AM | Comments (0)
2006 telephone tax credit
Subject: Print this out and put in 2006 tax return folder. It is an easy $30 to $ 60. When it comes time to prepare and file your 2006 tax return, make sure you don't overlook the federal excise tax refund credit. You claim the credit on line 71 of your form 1040. A similar line will be available if you file the short form 1040A. If you have family or friends who no longer file a tax return AND they have their own land phone in their home and have been paying a phone bill for years, make sure they know about this form 1040EZ-T.
What is this all about? Well the federal excise tax has been charge to you on your phone bill for years. It is an old tax that was assessed on your toll calls based on how far the call was being made and how much time you talked on that call. When phone companies began to offer flat fee phone service, challenges to the excise tax ended up in federal courts in several districts of the country.
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Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:29 AM | Comments (1)
December 11, 2006
The Four Stages of Life
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Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:50 PM | Comments (0)
December 8, 2006
Twas the Month before Christmas
T'was the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.
Why the Politically Correct Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say,
December 25th is just a "Holiday".
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
Continue reading "Twas the Month before Christmas"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:51 PM | Comments (0)
December 6, 2006
Upside Down Christmas Tree
This is for all you folks buying upside-down Christmas trees this year. I adapted the old song Oh Christmas Tree.
Oh upside-down Christmas tree
Oh upside-down Christmas tree
How messed up are your branches
You look...
So silly now
Because you...
Are upside-downUpside Down
Christmas TreeIt’s not your fault...
So hang in there
I know...
That it’s not fairOh upside-down Christmas tree
Oh upside-down Christmas tree
Your owners are trendyThey think...
That they are cool
But they...
Are only foolsIt's just a fad...
And it will pass
Thank goodness...
It won’t lastOh upside-down Christmas tree
Oh upside-down Christmas tree
Your owners are idiots
Continue reading "Upside Down Christmas Tree"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:59 PM | Comments (0)
Things that make you say aw crap
Continue reading "Things that make you say aw crap"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:57 AM | Comments (14)
December 3, 2006
Speeding Ticket
THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.
Continue reading "Speeding Ticket"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:28 AM | Comments (1)
December 1, 2006
A Blonde's Year in Review
A Blonde's Year in Review
-
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight -
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ...Helllooo!!! ... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! -
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" -
April
Trapped on the Macy's escalator for hours after the power went out!! -
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! -
June
Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. -
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition ..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! -
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm car swamped because soft- top was open. -
September
The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? -
October
Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel. -
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! -
December
Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
Continue reading "A Blonde's Year in Review"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:24 AM | Comments (0)
November 29, 2006
Difference Between Men & Women
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. I never should have mentioned it. Now he probably feels cornered, like I'm being too aggressive and now he wants out. But hey, maybe I want out too? I need to think.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..."
Continue reading "Difference Between Men & Women"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:39 PM | Comments (2)
Pregnant turkey........
Last year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
Yep . . . SHE'S BLONDE!
Continue reading "Pregnant turkey........"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:28 PM | Comments (0)
kids
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
The second kid replies, "Whoa, good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:34 AM | Comments (0)
November 28, 2006
is this the truth or what? 1973 vs. 2006
1973 vs. 2006
Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack of his truck.
1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his truck and gets his to show Jack.
2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1973 -Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1973 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.
2006- Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.
1973- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.
1973- Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
Continue reading "is this the truth or what? 1973 vs. 2006"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:17 AM | Comments (15)
November 27, 2006
Mural on the wall
Click to see larger image.Continue reading "Mural on the wall"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:05 AM | Comments (2)
November 24, 2006
Natural Body Noise
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
Continue reading "Natural Body Noise"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:51 AM | Comments (4)
November 21, 2006
New virus to be aware of
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:41 PM | Comments (0)
Keep This Hummer Moving
Continue reading "Keep This Hummer Moving"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:00 AM | Comments (7)
November 18, 2006
LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near, But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear. Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow. My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear, And I crept to the door just to see who was near. Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night, A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old, Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold. Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled, Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child. "What are you doing?" I asked without fear, "Come in this moment, it's freezing out here! Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve, You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
Continue reading "LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:21 PM | Comments (13)
November 14, 2006
Good Info: Locked Keys In The Car
If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone on your (or someone else's) cell phone.
Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the other person at your home press the unlock button of your key fob (clicker), holding it near the phone on their end. Your car doors will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you.
Distance is no object you could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk!).
Editor's Note * It works fine! We tried it out, and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!
Editor's Note:
I locked the car had my youngest daughter call me while I was far away from the car. I clicked open into the phone and I could hear the car doors unlock through her cell phone. My daughter confirmed that sure enough the doors opened.
Pass this one on to your friends
Cube Dweller: If someone trys this out, then let me know how it works.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 6:51 PM | Comments (5)
November 13, 2006
Who's On First for the Next Generation
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Continue reading "Who's On First for the Next Generation"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:23 AM | Comments (0)
November 9, 2006
Etiquette reminders for the Cube Dweller
Open-plan offices are the modern equivalent of working in an 18th century cotton mill. Really, the only major difference today is that you are slightly less likely to lose a hand to a machine or get stabbed in the head by something.
Words such as ‘energized’, ‘vibey’, ‘buzzing’ and ‘creative’ are often used to describe open-plan offices. These words are generally applied as descriptors by
a)- those that design or sell open-plan spaces or
b)- those that have real work-spaces with doors and privacy and peace-and-quite and occasionally wander out of said spaces to ‘feel the vibe on the floor’.
Those that work in open-plan offices generally describe them as ‘cube-farms’ or ‘f**kin’ noisy s**tholes’.
Following are a few ideas to make the open-plan office a more tolerable workspace.
Mobile Phones –
If you are so important that you need to carry a mobile phone with you and have it on 24/7 then don’t leave it sitting on your desk while you wander off to gossip in the corridors.
You may think your ring-tone is cool and funky and makes a statement about you but you are probably very, very wrong. The only statement it makes, especially when it has just rung and beeped unanswered on your desk for the 5th straight time in a ten-minute period, is that you are a knob-end. Take it with you or turn it off.
Conversation –
This may surprise some folk but an office is kind of like a library. There are people in it that have time-critical work to complete. Some of this work may even involve an odd little thing called ‘concentration’, you may not be familiar with the concept. With the advent of modern communications devices such as the desk telephone (note – this does not refer to a mobile left on a desk) and office e-mail it is possible to converse or exchange ideas with a colleague by means that do not involve shouting across the office at each other. It has on the odd occasion even been known for people to actually walk over to a co-worker to have a conversation. There is a better than fair chance that you have legs. Use them.
Continue reading "Etiquette reminders for the Cube Dweller"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:26 PM | Comments (0)
Stremnaya Road of Death
Continue reading "Stremnaya Road of Death"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:14 AM | Comments (68)
November 7, 2006
vocabulary additions for the workplace
Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!
1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
Continue reading "vocabulary additions for the workplace"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:35 PM | Comments (0)
November 6, 2006
The Princess and the Geek
A geek was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The geek took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the geek took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The geek said, "Look, I'm a geek. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog? Now that's cool."
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:01 PM | Comments (0)
November 5, 2006
Ghostly
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:27 PM | Comments (1)
November 3, 2006
Gun Safety 101
Consequences of not removing the bore sight BEFORE shooting the first round.
I thought this only happened in cartoons.
I bet this made him stain his britches.
Continue reading "Gun Safety 101"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:50 PM | Comments (0)
October 31, 2006
Getting into the Halloween spirit
Continue reading "Getting into the Halloween spirit"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:13 AM | Comments (0)
October 30, 2006
Redefining Safety in the Workplace
Continue reading "Redefining Safety in the Workplace"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 6:09 PM | Comments (0)
October 25, 2006
Celebrating 50,000
Wow tonight was the night! It is hard to believe that this little project has generated such interest! It has taken just eight short months for OfficeSpam to reach the 50,000 unique visits mark. I am really excited and want to thank those who have contributed to this little project through submitting OfficeSpam and commenting.
Thank you:
I believe Jon has been the largest contributor here at OfficeSpam, so I will give him the first nod. Please check out his photography site, and yes he is available for hire. Feel free to head over to his site and check out his photos.
I believe the second largest contributor of OfficeSpam is Randall over at the The D'oh's and Woo Hoo's of Life. He has contributed some really good stuff. Including the what to do in a terrorist attack post. Please head over to his site and check out what he is up to.
Continue reading "Celebrating 50,000"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:36 PM | Comments (1)
New Career: Seniors in the U.S. Army
The U.S. Army is now accepting older recruits so that enlistment goals can be met.
Enlist Now!...Before It's too Late
Continue reading "New Career: Seniors in the U.S. Army"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:45 AM | Comments (1)
Why We Love Children
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."3) KETCHUPA woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."4) MORE NUDITYA little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
Continue reading "Why We Love Children"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 7:28 AM | Comments (2)
October 24, 2006
World's Largest Manmade Hole
The worlds biggest manmade hole is located in Russia.
Continue reading "World's Largest Manmade Hole"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 5:30 AM | Comments (42)
October 16, 2006
Salad Anyone?
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by the what do frogs eat website. What do frogs eat is a project of the what do they eat. A series of websites dealing with the diet of animals.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:50 AM | Comments (2)
October 13, 2006
The Loving Husband
The undertaker told the husband,
"You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked,
"Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied,
"Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
Posted by Cube Dweller at 12:45 PM | Comments (0)
Can anyone really be this dumb?
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
--Mariah Carey
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
Continue reading "Can anyone really be this dumb?"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:58 AM | Comments (6)
October 10, 2006
A Funny
A young business man was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said
"Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. He looked up again and said
"Never mind. I found one."
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:10 AM | Comments (0)
October 9, 2006
LEGO CHURCH... YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS
LEGO CHURCH..........
A few quick facts:
How long to build it? It was about a year and a half of planning, building and photographing.
How many pieces of LEGO to build it? more than 75,000
How big is it? About 7 feet by 5 1/2 feet by 30 inches (2.2 m x 1.7 m x .76 m)
How many LEGO people does it seat? 1372
How many windows? 3976
It features a balcony, a Narthex, stairs to the balcony, restrooms, coat rooms, several mosaics a nave, a baptistry, an altar, a crucifix, a pulpit and an elaborate pipe organ.
Continue reading "LEGO CHURCH... YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:50 AM | Comments (7)
October 6, 2006
How to create a new generation of scientists
Picture Career Day at Anytown Elementary School. A nervous man in a lab coat stands at the front of a hostile 8th grade class.
“I’m a scientist,” he explains. “I do research at a big university using the same kind of knowledge you guys are learning in Mrs. Peterson’s science class. Maybe one day some of you will be scientists, too. Does anyone here know they want to be a scientist?”
There is an uncomfortable silence as the 13-year olds glance at one another. The floor is opened for questions. Eventually, one young girl raises her hand if only to relieve the awkwardness.
“What kind of equipment do you use?”
“Good question,” he says with not a small amount of false cheer. “In my current research, I’m using thermographic cameras that detect radiation based on temperature. It’s just like night vision goggles.”
There is a murmur as some heads perk up — the kids have heard of night vision goggles and know that they are used by military personnel and James Bond to kill things. This is good.
“What are you researching?” asks another student.
He clears his throat. “Well, currently my team is studying some of the differences between men and women. Uh, yes, you in the back?”
“What kind of differences?”
He pauses. “Differences in, uh, differences in the way that men and women’s body temperatures react to, uh, certain stimuli.” The students note that the man’s face has turned a vibrant shade of maroon.
“So you watch the men and women get hotter with the night vision goggles?”
“It’s a camera, technically, and . . . yes, yes we do.”
“What are they doing while you watch them?”
The man looks to the teacher for help, but recalls that she took advantage of today’s talk to step out for a coffee and cigarrette. “Well, they’re, uh, they’re watching movies actually.”
“What kind of movies?”
“Um, a lot of different movies . . . ”
Continue reading "How to create a new generation of scientists"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:39 PM | Comments (0)
Coach Daryl
A group of high school coaches went to a coaches' retreat. To save money, they had to room together.
No one wanted to room with Coach Daryl because he snored so loudly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one coach room with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first coach slept in Daryl's room and came to breakfast the next morning with tousled hair and bloodshot eyes. One asked, "What happened to you?"
The first coach replied, "Man, that Daryl snored so loud, I couldn't sleep, so I watched him snore all night."
The next night it was a different coach's turn. The following morning, the same thing happened as the second coach appeared with hair standing up and eyes bloodshot. One asked, "What happened to you? You look awful!"
Continue reading "Coach Daryl"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:45 AM | Comments (0)
October 4, 2006
Why most men are Republicans
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:40 AM | Comments (3)
October 2, 2006
Hell Explained
HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
Continue reading "Hell Explained"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:27 PM | Comments (17)
Best for sale ad EVER!!!
Post Date: Aug 7th, 2006
Expire Date: Sep 6th, 2006
$10,000 06' Suzuki GSXR 1000
Farmington , UT 84025 - Aug 7, 2006
2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "do whatever the f*** you want" doesn't mean what I thought .
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:56 AM | Comments (1)
September 28, 2006
ONE MEAN MULE!!!
A couple from Montana were out riding on the range, he with his rifle and she (fortunately) with her camera. Their dogs always followed them, but on this occasion a Mountain Lion decided that he wanted to stalk the dogs (you'll see the dogs in the background watching). Very, very bad decision...
The hunter got off the mule with his rifle and decided to shoot in the air to scare away the lion, but before he could get off a shot the lion charged in and decided he wanted a piece of those dogs. With that, the mule took off and decided he wanted a piece of that lion. That's when all hell broke loose... for the lion.
As the lion approached the dogs the mule snatched him up by the tail and started whirling him around. Banging its head on the ground on every pass. Then he dropped it, stomped on it and held it to the ground by the throat. The mule then got down on his knees and bit the thing all over a couple of dozen times to make sure it was dead, than whipped it into the air again, walked back over to the couple (that were stunned in silence) and stood there ready to continue his ride... as if nothing had just happened.
Fortunately even though the hunter didn't get off a shot, his wife got off these 4...
Continue reading "ONE MEAN MULE!!!"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:39 AM | Comments (14)
September 20, 2006
Computer messages
Windows has encountered an unknown error. The error is unknown because the guy who wrote this part of the code quit a while back and he was like really really smart and the rest of us are not really sure how this works or what to do.
BTW, if your are that guy, please give us a call and let us know what to do.
Continue reading "Computer messages"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:30 AM | Comments (5)
September 13, 2006
New tire design
They had a pair at the Philadelphia car show.
The bad news for law enforcement is that spike strips will not work on these tires.
This is what great R&D will do, and just think of the impact on existing technology:
a... no more air valves
a... no more air compressors at gas stations
a... no more repair kits
SCAN DOWN & SEE.
These are actual pictures taken in the South Carolina plant of Michelin. It will be awhile before they are available to the automotive industry.
Continue reading "New tire design"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:00 AM | Comments (5)
September 8, 2006
Sexual urges of men and women
"I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT???"
So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewelery department where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.
Continue reading "Sexual urges of men and women"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:30 AM
Ode to Dr. Seuss
A grandchild's guide to using Grandpa's Computer Bits, bytes, Chips, Clocks. Bits in bytes on chips in box. Bytes with bits and chips with clocks. Chips in box on ether-docks. Chips with bits come. Chips with bytes come. Chips with bits and bytes and clocks come. Look, sir. Look, sir. read the book, sir. Let's do tricks with bits and bytes, sir. Let's do tricks with chips and clocks, sir. First, I'll make a quick trick bit stack. Then I'll make a quick trick byte stack. You can make a quick trick chip stack. You can make a quick trick clock stack. And here's a new trick on the scene. Bits in bytes for your machine. Bytes in words to fill your screen. Now we come to ticks and tocks, sir. Try to say this by the clock, sir. Clocks on chips tick. Clocks on chips tock. Eight byte bits tick. Eight bit bytes tock. Clocks on chips with eight bit bytes tick. Chips with clocks and eight byte bits tock. Here's an easy game to play. Here's an easy thing to say. If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash. You can't say this? What a shame, sir! We'll find you another game, sir. If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on the mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc, Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom! The End.
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by gid.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:30 AM | Comments (0)
September 7, 2006
heretic scum
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!""Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Ben.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:26 AM | Comments (0)
September 5, 2006
USS New York
This is interesting, and you would think it would have been widely known.
With a year to go before it even touches the water, the Navy's amphibious assault ship USS New York has already made history. It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center . USS New York is about 45 percent complete and should be ready for launch in mid-2007. Katrina disrupted construction when it pounded the Gulf Coast last summer, but the 684-foot vessel escaped serious damage, and workers were back at the yard near New Orleans two weeks after the storm.
Continue reading "USS New York"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:30 AM | Comments (13)
September 1, 2006
The Ass Family
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 3:19 PM | Comments (0)
Dick Lamm at the immigration overpopulation conference
Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood up and gave a stunning speech on how to destroy America. The audience sat spellbound as he described eight methods for the destruction of the United States. He said, "If you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too rich, then let's destroy America. It is not that hard to do. No nation in history has survived the ravages of time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great civilizations rise and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all great nations commit suicide.'"
Here is how they do it," Lamm said:
"First, to destroy America, turn America into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country." History shows that no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of two or more competing languages and cultures. It is a blessing for an individual to be bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be bilingual. The historical scholar, Seymour Lipset, put it this way: "The histories of bilingual and bi-cultural societies that do not assi milate are histories of turmoil, tension, and tragedy." Canada, Belgium, Malaysia, and Lebanon all face crises of national existence in which minorities press for autonomy, if not independence. Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed an ethnic rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons, and Corsicans.".
Lamm went on: Second, to destroy America, "Invent 'multiculturalism' and encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. I would make it an article of belief that all cultures are equal. That there are no cultural differences. I would make it an article of faith that the Black and Hispanic dropout rates are due solely to prejudice and discrimination by the majority. Every other explanation is out of bounds.
Third, "We could make the United States an 'Hispanic Quebec' without much effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As Benjamin Schwarz said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: "The apparent success of our own multiethnic and multicultural experiment might have been achieved not by tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance that once dictated ethnocentricity and what it meant to be an American, we are left with only tolerance and pluralism to hold us together." Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own language and culture. I would replace the melting pot metaphor with the salad bowl metaphor. It is important to ensure that we have various cultural subgroups living in America enforcing their differences rather than as Americans, emphasizing their similariti e s."
"Fourth, I would make our fastest growing demographic group the least educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated, undereducated, and antagonistic to our population. I would have this second underclass have a 50% dropout rate from high. School."
"My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big foundations and business to give these efforts lots of money. I would invest in ethnic identity, and I would establish the cult of 'Victimology.' I would get all minorities to think that their lack of success was the fault of the majorit y. I would start a grievance industry blaming all minority failure on the majority population."
"My sixth plan for America's downfall would include dual citizenship, and promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over unity. I would stress differences rather than similarities. Diverse people worldwide are mostly engaged in hating each other - that is, when they are not killing each other. A diverse, peaceful, or stable society is against most historical precedent. People undervalue the unity it takes to keep a nation together. Look at the ancient Greeks. The Greeks believed that they belonged to the same race; they possessed a common language and literature; and they worshipped the same gods. All Greece took part in the Olympic games. A common enemy, Persia, threatened their lib er ty. Yet all these bonds were not strong enough to overcome two factors: local patriotism and geographical conditions that nurtured political divisions. Greece fell. "E. Pluribus Unum" -- From many, one. In that historical reality, if we put the emphasis on the 'pluribus'. Instead of the 'Unum,' we will balkanize America as surely as Kosovo."
"Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits; make it taboo to talk about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a word similar to 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped discussion and paralyzed thinking. Words like 'racist' or 'xenophobe' halt discussion and debate. Having made America a bilingual/bicultural country, having established multi-culturism, having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,' I w oul d next make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would develop a mantra: That because immigration has been good for America, it must always be good. I would make every individual immigrant symmetric and ignore the cumulative impact of millions of them."
In the last minute of his speech, Governor Lamm wiped his brow Profound silence followed. Finally he said,. "Lastly, I would censor Victor Hanson Davis's book Mexifornia. His book is dangerous. It exposes the plan to destroy America. If you feel America. deserves to be destroyed, don't read that book.".
There was no applause. A chilling fear quietly rose like an ominous cloud above every attendee at the conference. Every American in that room knew that everything Lamm enumerated was proceeding methodically, quietly, darkly, yet pervasively across the United States today. Discussion is being suppressed. Over 100 languages are ripping the foundation of our educational system and national cohesiveness. Even barbaric cultures that practice female genital mutilation are growing as we celebrate 'diversity.' American jobs are vanishing into the Third World as corporations create a Third World in America - take note of California and other states - to date, ten million illegal aliens and growing fast. It is reminiscent of George Orwell's book "1984." In that story, three slogans are engraved in the Ministry of Truth building: "War is peace," "Freedom is slavery," and "Ignorance is strength.".
Governor Lamm walked back to his seat. It dawned on everyone at the conf erence that our nation and the future of this great democracy is deeply in trouble and worsening fast. If we don't get this immigration monster stopped within three years, it will rage like a California wildfire and destroy everything in its path, especially The American Dream.
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 12:14 PM | Comments (8)
August 24, 2006
A visit with President Bush
Story by: Bruce Vincent
For those of us who sometimes find ourselves having doubts about our President, here is an excellent piece--- Worth every minute it takes to read it. This is from a man, Bruce Vincent, from Montana who received an award from the President. He writes:
I've written the following narrative to chronicle the day of the award ceremony in DC. I'm still working on a press release but the White House press corps has yet to provide a photo to go with it. When the photo comes I'll ship it out. When you get done reading this you'll understand the dilemma I face in telling this story beyond my circle of close friends.
Stepping into the Oval Office, each of us was introduced to the President and Mrs. Bush. We shook hands and participated in small talk. When the President was told that we were from Libby, Montana, I reminded him that Marc Racicot is our native son and the President offered his warm thoughts about Governor Racicot. I have to tell you, I was blown away by two things upon entering the office.
First, the Oval Office sense of 'place' is unreal. The President later shared a story of Russian President Putin entering the room prepared to tackle the President in a tough negotiation and upon entering the atheist muttered his first words to the President and they were "Oh, my God." I concurred. I could feel the history in my bones. Second, the man that inhabits the office engaged me with a firm handshake and a look that can only be described as penetrating. Warm, alive, fully engaged, disarmingly penetrating. I was admittedly concerned about meeting the man.
Continue reading "A visit with President Bush"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 4:35 PM | Comments (14)
August 21, 2006
six feet under
If you know anything about this picture, then please let me know.
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:53 PM | Comments (7)
NEW INTERSTATE SIGN
I'm placing this piece of OfficeSpam below the fold. It is a bit crude. No pun intended. You've been warned.Continue reading "NEW INTERSTATE SIGN"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 12:56 PM | Comments (1)
August 16, 2006
Nuts
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucket full of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted, though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:31 AM | Comments (0)
August 15, 2006
Country Funeral
As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul.
As I preached the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory," I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelations. I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:09 AM | Comments (0)
August 8, 2006
Reward
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got homerom the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the sidetable. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:37 AM | Comments (0)
July 26, 2006
A Nosy Boss
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered,.... "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered,..... "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, ...."a policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,...... "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No,.... he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
"ME."
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jasim.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:28 AM | Comments (0)
July 20, 2006
West Virginian finds pot at the end of rainbow
.... Someone has been able to photograph the pot at the end of the rainbow in West Virginia.
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:34 AM | Comments (0)
July 19, 2006
Today Is National Mental Health day!
You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to at least one unstable person.
9 Ways To Maintain Mental Health
- At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
- Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
- Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.
- Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
- As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
- Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
- Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
- When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
- When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 2:08 PM | Comments (0)
July 6, 2006
Stick Figure Funnies
Posted by Cube Dweller at 12:54 PM | Comments (1)
June 29, 2006
Where is God?
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous . They are always getting into trouble and Their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so She asked if he would speak with her boys.
The Preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
" Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, " Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the Boy's face and bellowed, " Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, " what happened?" The younger brother, gasping For breath, replied, " We are in BIG trouble this time."GOD is missing, and they think we did it!
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jasim.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:20 PM | Comments (1)
June 16, 2006
Just when you thought you had everything
Just when you thought you had everything
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:10 AM | Comments (4)
June 14, 2006
Urban Legend: Homicide Investigation
In 1994 at the annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS.
The President Dr Don Harter Mills astounded his audience with legal complications of a bizarre death.
On March 23, 1994 a medical officer examined the body of Ronald Opus. He concluded that Mr Opus had died as a result of a shotgun wound to the head. Mr Opus had jumped from the top of a ten storey building intending to commit suicide. He had left a note to the effect ind icating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned. Ordinarily a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide. The fact that Mr Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast eminated, was occupied by an elderly couple.
They were arguing vigorously a nd the husband was threatening the wife with a shotgun. The husband was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr Opus in the head, on his way down. When one intends to kill a subject "A" but kills subject "B' by mistake one is guilty of murder of subject "B". When confronted with the charge of murder the old man and his wife were adamant and
both said that they thought the gun was unloaded. The old man explained that it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with an unloaded shotgun during the course of their arguments. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr Opus appeared to be an unfortunate accident; that is, if the gun had been accidently loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the argument and fatal shooting. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his Father would shoot his Mother. Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes
one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigations revealed that the son was in fact, Ronald Opus.
He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his Mother's murder. On March 23 rd 1994 he went to the the top of the ten story building and jumped off, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through the ninth story window.
The son had actually murdered himself.
A true story.
Sorry to be the downer, once again, but this seems to be an urban legend. Check it out on snopes.
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:25 AM | Comments (0)
June 9, 2006
What is your Blues Name?
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:21 AM | Comments (2)
June 5, 2006
Pictures of Tiger Woods' House
Evidently these pictures are supposed to be pictures of Tiger Wood’s house located on a beautiful beach in Hawaii.
Continue reading "Pictures of Tiger Woods' House"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:45 AM | Comments (225)
June 1, 2006
What to do in a Terrorist Attack
The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov. displaying public service symbols for terrorism readiness, in the tradition of the old "duck and cover" campaigns after WWII. The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few guesses about what they mean:
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell really loud.
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one armless hand.
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the f*** away.
Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
If your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your ass goodbye.
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that crap.
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, it is a psychological terror attack. Cower in the corner or run like hell.
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.
Austin is radioactive, move to Houston
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.
Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always carry one!
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:30 AM | Comments (8)
May 25, 2006
INNER STRENGTH
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things.......
THEN . . .YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:43 AM | Comments (0)
May 1, 2006
Humor for the day: Prison vs Work
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK...........you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK..........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...........you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...........you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
IN PRISON...........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.
IN PRISON........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK..........you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON.........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ..........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON........ .you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.
Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails!
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:06 AM | Comments (1)
April 27, 2006
GAS toons
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:38 AM | Comments (0)
April 21, 2006
Why you should wear PJ's
Posted by Cube Dweller at 1:21 PM | Comments (1)
Test for Dementia
|
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.... Ready? GO!!! (scroll down) First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
NO!
Of course it isn't. Read
the question again!
Like you!
|
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:24 AM | Comments (4)
April 4, 2006
A once in forever event
at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be:
01:02:03 04/05/06.
This won't ever happen again.
..Way Cool...
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:07 AM | Comments (3)
March 15, 2006
Naked man tasered by Police at Demo Derby
This story was originally published here, and is being reproduced with the permission of the Planet Jackson Hole. Please see my note before the last three pictures.
By Gil Brady with additional reporting by Dan Haworth
8.01.05
Fun turned to stunned just after sundown Sunday when a streaker was "tasered" by cops at the 2005 Demolition Derby.
"I was furious because it wasn’t that big a deal. Did they have to taser him in front of 5,000 people and kids?"
About 3,400 on-lookers – including families and children – got more than the usual clouds of rodeo dirt and souped-up hot rods ramming into one another when, moments before the winner-takes-all round, a naked man leapt from the stands holding a red fire extinguisher and raced around the rodeo pit, eluding police while attempting to spray fans in the grandstand.
Spectators cheered the nudist as two Jackson Hole police and a sheriff’s deputy gave hot pursuit on foot. They finally took the man down when the deputy fired a taser dart into the streaker’s right shoulder blade.
The tasering provoked catcalls and boos as the nudist quivered and shook before falling and writhing facedown in the dirt for several seconds. As the arresting peace officers lifted and cuffed the naked man’s hands behind his back, urine trickled down the streaker’s front.
Upon recovering, the exhibitionist acknowledged the crowd with a half-dazed nod before shaking his curly hair defiantly while being escorted off in the buff.
Not to be upstaged by the bare truth below, the derby announcer peered out the sky booth, smiled into his mike, and quipped, "Must be a chilly evening."
An informal poll of eyewitness reactions following the incident found near unanimous disapproval at the tactics of law enforcement responding to the scene, from shock and dismay to genuine outrage.
At a party immediately following the derby, an outraged Kevin McBride asked, "How many Jackson Hole cops does it take to catch a naked man in a rodeo arena? I was furious, because it wasn’t that big a deal. Did they have to taser him in front of 5,000 people and kids?"
"He was shaking, like this," said a bearded man in his 20s who witnessed the tasering, shimmying his shoulders and rolling his eyes for inquisitive friends several hours later at 43 North.
Others, viewing streakers at the Demolition Derby as an expected annual event in itself, questioned what motivated police to act with such force. Some wondered if this year a new moral high bar had been set.
"It shouldn’t be a PG-13 [event]," said Ryan Haworth. "The derby is for adults. However, they made it clear, if you streak you will be punished."
Dave Peters, 23, sitting nearby, said, "It was necessary to make the example, but the taser was excessive."
Georgia Ligori called the actions of the police "excessive" and the use of the taser, "unwarranted."
Ligori continued, "It’s just kids having fun. It was anticipated, it happens nearly every year."
Egan’s husband, Bruce, 52, a retired economist, said, "If you have kids why bring them to a demo-demolish? Pig-wrestling maybe, but demo derby never."
Egan continued, "Tasing the streaker was bullshit. Who is the guy hurting? In years past, everyone cheered the streaker. This year, they taser a guy. What happened? Young kids will do what they want to do. They don’t have much money, so their 15 minutes of fame is to streak. I’ve seen streakers in my day. I’ve been to Yankee Stadium and World Cup soccer matches, but this is the first streaker I’ve ever seen tasered ... it was police brutality and excessive force."
At a post-derby house party featuring loud music and flowing kegs that attracted the attention of police cruisers, Leah Smith shook her head wistfully while reflecting on what she had saw, "He was a true American. Tasering him was pretty lame. The streaker was the essence of the derby."
Her male companion sipped his beer and nodded in full agreement.
Continue reading "Naked man tasered by Police at Demo Derby"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:35 AM | Comments (12)
March 9, 2006
If you can read this, you have a strange mind too
Can you raed tihs? Olny 72 plepoe can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 8:59 AM | Comments (12)
March 8, 2006
number game
Personally I would like to know who came up with this.
1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT YOUR AREA CODE)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number.
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2.
Do you recognize the answer?
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 7:10 AM | Comments (4)
March 7, 2006
What a Truck
Trucker who had his cab and trailer painted with the names of all those who lost their lives on 9/11. The trucker's name is John Holmgren from Shafer, MN. The trucker has been "pulled over" numerous times just so the troopers can get their picture taken with the truck.
(scroll down to see the pictures)
KEEP THIS GOING SO ALL CAN SEE
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Jon.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:08 AM | Comments (5)
March 2, 2006
Optical Illusion Count the Dots
Count the Black Dots!
Posted by Cube Dweller at 9:51 AM | Comments (7)
March 1, 2006
Optical Illusion: straight or curved
Are the red diagonal lines straight or curved?
They are straight. Check for yourself.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)
February 28, 2006
ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
Continue reading "ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS"
Posted by Cube Dweller at 11:24 AM | Comments (17)
February 27, 2006
Optical Illusion: Old Lady and Young Lady
See the old woman looking to the left with her chin to her chest. The young lady looking away from you over right shoulder. Notice that the nose of the old lady forms the chin of the young lady.
Posted by Cube Dweller at 7:40 AM | Comments (17)