Office Spam™

During a commercial airline flight a Veteran Navy Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta.

During a commercial airline flight a Veteran Navy Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta.

One took a window seat and the other
sat next to him in the middle seat.


Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off,
wiggled his toes and was settling in when the
Arab in the window seat said,
"I need to get up and get a coke."


"Don't get up," said the Marine,
"I'm in the aisle seat,
I'll get it for you."


As soon as he left, one of the Arabs
picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.


When the Marine returned with the coke, the other
Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."
Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

A C-130 was flying on a mission when a cocky F-16 pilot flew up next to him.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb! He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!"

THE ABSOLUTE BEST-EVER RESPONSE TO A 'DEAR JOHN' LETTER

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great.

I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.

Please return the picture of me that I sent you.

Love, Becky

How to tell if your Dungeon Master has military experience:

1. The orc hordes you encounter have noncoms and medics.
2. Healing potions also restore tattoos.
3. The Winged Horse won't fly until you do a full safety inspection.
4. The dungeons are patrolled by MP's that keep asking 'Who started this fight?'
5. If you don't state that your character is performing scheduled weapons and armor maintenance after each combat, they rust to powder in about a day.
6. Elves give directions with terms like 'Fore' and 'Aft.'
7. You learn to retreat from any monster with a Marine Corps tattoo.
8. The curses attached to some treasures include KP Duty and Full Kit Inspection.
9. You can't stop for a night without submitting a complete watchbill for the characters in camp.
10. New players joining after the adventure starts show up with Transfer Orders.
11. The kingdom has a number of trolls, minotaurs and giants caged in silos on the border. The thread of MAD (Monster Assured Destruction) seems to keep the peace.
12. No matter what sort of area you adventure in, or what background culture dwells there, or what the dominant race of the surroundings is, every town, keep, village, city or fish camp you enter has at least one bar, two brothels, three pawn shops, a tattoo parlor and a barber shop.
13. The Healing Cleric always makes you wait for two hours before trying to send you away with a pair of toadstools and forced fluids.
14. After the goblins pass by, all the dungeons have a fresh coat of paint
15. A mysterious figure, the Gunny, appears every time you make a mistake. Don't make mistakes. Just don't.
16. Saying 'we tie him up' always starts a 20 minute discussion of knots, with 4 skill rolls.
17. Guard Dogs are not just hit points that bark...they're chain saws with fur.
18. If captured by the monsters, your character always gets put to work digging latrines. Even if held by ethereal beings that don't use them.
19. Magic Users have to account for every ounce of equipment or supplies they carry, in careful attention to the rules for burdens. Blooded warriors can put 'One Piano' on their character sheet and it's just assumed they can 'handle the load.'
20. Every advancement to a new class level involves a trip to a tattoo parlor.