Office Spam™

So, this bird walks into a store.........

Watch! He s-l-o-w-l-y enters the store......and then he runnnnnnns........OUT! A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.

The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking (so a camera was installed), and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos. Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and becomes a feast, for other birds!

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

Can you say Dunder Mifflin Infinity? Join in the fun.

In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

This is amazing!! Look at each picture slowly and completely - in order to the end. If not for the photos no one would believe this!!! The towboat is approaching the bridge with barges loaded with coal.
This frame gives you an idea of how fast the river is running Obviously at or near flood stage.
Oh CRAP!!! ?The bridge didn't open and the boat can't stop. Notice that the tug has released the barges. He is backing as hard as possible to try and avoid a collision with the bridge.
Can't back down enough against the current.
Uh Oh! ! The current has swung the boat around sideways.
The cook thinks maybe something isn't quite right.
The boss is going to be REAL mad!

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy!

I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law!

I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

I thought I would break the mold a bit and take a commercial break. My wife and I run a web store where we sell baby slings and other baby carriers. Here recently my wife designed a new store logo and I thought I would put it on its first real public display. I really like what she came up with. I think it does a great job of capturing the simplicity and comfort that baby carriers have brought to our lives. I can honestly say we are different people because of the time we were able to spend with our little ones perched in a baby sling.

Well, if you ever are looking for a baby shower gift or maybe a gift for a new parent then you will know where to go. We have a large selection of slings to choose from, and we are constantly adding new baby slings to our store.

One took a window seat and the other
sat next to him in the middle seat.


Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off,
wiggled his toes and was settling in when the
Arab in the window seat said,
"I need to get up and get a coke."


"Don't get up," said the Marine,
"I'm in the aisle seat,
I'll get it for you."


As soon as he left, one of the Arabs
picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.


When the Marine returned with the coke, the other
Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."
Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

Embarrassing? no, ....humiliating!

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most Embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold...
and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah ..
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.


The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man.