Office Spam™

Looking for Viatical facts?

You worry 'bout squirrels hittin' your feeders? Well, look at this!


 

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

Most rednecks probably can't even say the word Viaticals. If you want to learn more about Viatical Life Settlements, then you know where to go.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.?

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

A conversation between a Customer and Bank of America (true story)

Bank: This is the Bank of America, can I help you?

Customer: Yes, I want to cancel my account. I don't want to do business with you any longer.

Bank: Why?

Customer: You're giving credit to illegal immigrants and I don't think it's right. I'm taking my business elsewhere.

Bank: Well, Mr. Customer, we don't want to see you do that, but we can't stop you. I'll help you close the account. What is your account number?

Customer: (gives account number)

Bank: For security purposes and for your protection, can you please give me the last four digits of your social security number?

Customer: No.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.

There was a study on nose-picking published in February of 1995 in the Journal of Psychiatry. Yes, you read it right - college professors being paid the big bucks to find out who picks their nose.

Of the 1000 surveys mailed out, only 254 were completed and returned to the researchers.

• 8.7% claim that they have never picked their nose. (In other words, they are liars or they can't remember doing it as a kid.)
• 91% stated that they had picked their nose in the past and were still actively practicing this habit. Yet, only 49.2% of the respondents actually thought that nose-picking was common in adults.
• 9.2% rate their pickin' as "more than average."
• 25.6% actually pick their noses daily, 22.3% do it 2 to 5 times each day, and three people admitted to doing it at least hourly.
• 55.5% spent 1-5 minutes, 23.5% spent 5-15 minutes, and 0.8% (2 people) spent 15-30 minutes each day cleaning their nostrils. One lone soul claims to devote over 2 hours each day to this ritual (I'm not a doctor and I can tell you that this guy definitely has rhinotillexomania).

THIS SHOULD MAKE YOU THINK A BIT, PRETTY GOOD CARD TRICK TO FIGURE OUT:
You can see 6 different cards.
Think on one.
Just think on it.
Do not touch it
Do not click on it
I will find the card on your mind.
Now look straight into my eyes and think on your card....
I do not know you,
I could not see the card you have
chosen....
....but I know exactly
the card that is on your mind....