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November 9, 2006
Etiquette reminders for the Cube Dweller
A Few Office Etiquette Ideas.
Open-plan offices are the modern equivalent of working in an 18th century cotton mill. Really, the only major difference today is that you are slightly less likely to lose a hand to a machine or get stabbed in the head by something.
Words such as ‘energized’, ‘vibey’, ‘buzzing’ and ‘creative’ are often used to describe open-plan offices. These words are generally applied as descriptors by
a)- those that design or sell open-plan spaces or
b)- those that have real work-spaces with doors and privacy and peace-and-quite and occasionally wander out of said spaces to ‘feel the vibe on the floor’.
Those that work in open-plan offices generally describe them as ‘cube-farms’ or ‘f**kin’ noisy s**tholes’.
Following are a few ideas to make the open-plan office a more tolerable workspace.
Mobile Phones –
If you are so important that you need to carry a mobile phone with you and have it on 24/7 then don’t leave it sitting on your desk while you wander off to gossip in the corridors.
You may think your ring-tone is cool and funky and makes a statement about you but you are probably very, very wrong. The only statement it makes, especially when it has just rung and beeped unanswered on your desk for the 5th straight time in a ten-minute period, is that you are a knob-end. Take it with you or turn it off.
Conversation –
This may surprise some folk but an office is kind of like a library. There are people in it that have time-critical work to complete. Some of this work may even involve an odd little thing called ‘concentration’, you may not be familiar with the concept. With the advent of modern communications devices such as the desk telephone (note – this does not refer to a mobile left on a desk) and office e-mail it is possible to converse or exchange ideas with a colleague by means that do not involve shouting across the office at each other. It has on the odd occasion even been known for people to actually walk over to a co-worker to have a conversation. There is a better than fair chance that you have legs. Use them.
Open-plan offices are the modern equivalent of working in an 18th century cotton mill. Really, the only major difference today is that you are slightly less likely to lose a hand to a machine or get stabbed in the head by something.
Words such as ‘energized’, ‘vibey’, ‘buzzing’ and ‘creative’ are often used to describe open-plan offices. These words are generally applied as descriptors by
a)- those that design or sell open-plan spaces or
b)- those that have real work-spaces with doors and privacy and peace-and-quite and occasionally wander out of said spaces to ‘feel the vibe on the floor’.
Those that work in open-plan offices generally describe them as ‘cube-farms’ or ‘f**kin’ noisy s**tholes’.
Following are a few ideas to make the open-plan office a more tolerable workspace.
Mobile Phones –
If you are so important that you need to carry a mobile phone with you and have it on 24/7 then don’t leave it sitting on your desk while you wander off to gossip in the corridors.
You may think your ring-tone is cool and funky and makes a statement about you but you are probably very, very wrong. The only statement it makes, especially when it has just rung and beeped unanswered on your desk for the 5th straight time in a ten-minute period, is that you are a knob-end. Take it with you or turn it off.
Conversation –
This may surprise some folk but an office is kind of like a library. There are people in it that have time-critical work to complete. Some of this work may even involve an odd little thing called ‘concentration’, you may not be familiar with the concept. With the advent of modern communications devices such as the desk telephone (note – this does not refer to a mobile left on a desk) and office e-mail it is possible to converse or exchange ideas with a colleague by means that do not involve shouting across the office at each other. It has on the odd occasion even been known for people to actually walk over to a co-worker to have a conversation. There is a better than fair chance that you have legs. Use them.
Conversations & Telephones
We know that your life is terribly, terribly fascinating, probably much more so than ours, but we really don’t need to hear every detail of your latest tragedy/conquest/Saturday night social plan/Saturday night post-mortem/ medical complaint.
You know that mobile phone you always leave on your desk? Pick it up, walk outside & make your phone call from there. That way your colleagues may get 5 minutes to do some work and you can probably impress total strangers with your witty conversational techniques and the details of your sparkling social life.
Food
Open-plan spaces often lack adequate ventilation to remove offensive odours or provide a suitable level of breathable air. Consider the lingering olfactory offence that you may create through your dietary choices. Any meal that includes cheap Parmesan cheese (affectionately referred to as ‘vomit cheese’) or tinned fish (read cat food) should never be under consideration for consumption within the confines of the cube-farm.
Shoes
These are worn to work out of common and civil decency and for protection and safety. They are designed to be on your feet. See notes regarding air under the food heading, enough said.
Thoroughfares
The maze of networks between cubicles exists for a reason. It’s called access. Access to things like the copy room, the lunch-room, the washrooms and other staff. Oh, and little things like, hhhmmm, fire exits. These spaces were not created to store boxes of useless crap or to ensure you have adequate room to stand around talking drivel. Being forced to play cube-farm Pac-Man when you are in desperate need of the bathroom is not conducive to quality staff relationships.
We know that your life is terribly, terribly fascinating, probably much more so than ours, but we really don’t need to hear every detail of your latest tragedy/conquest/Saturday night social plan/Saturday night post-mortem/ medical complaint.
You know that mobile phone you always leave on your desk? Pick it up, walk outside & make your phone call from there. That way your colleagues may get 5 minutes to do some work and you can probably impress total strangers with your witty conversational techniques and the details of your sparkling social life.
Food
Open-plan spaces often lack adequate ventilation to remove offensive odours or provide a suitable level of breathable air. Consider the lingering olfactory offence that you may create through your dietary choices. Any meal that includes cheap Parmesan cheese (affectionately referred to as ‘vomit cheese’) or tinned fish (read cat food) should never be under consideration for consumption within the confines of the cube-farm.
Shoes
These are worn to work out of common and civil decency and for protection and safety. They are designed to be on your feet. See notes regarding air under the food heading, enough said.
Thoroughfares
The maze of networks between cubicles exists for a reason. It’s called access. Access to things like the copy room, the lunch-room, the washrooms and other staff. Oh, and little things like, hhhmmm, fire exits. These spaces were not created to store boxes of useless crap or to ensure you have adequate room to stand around talking drivel. Being forced to play cube-farm Pac-Man when you are in desperate need of the bathroom is not conducive to quality staff relationships.
This nifty piece of OfficeSpam was submitted by Adam.
Office Spam™ | By Cube Dweller | 10:26 PM
