Can anyone really be this dumb?

October 13, 2006

Can anyone really be this dumb?

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Office Spam™ | By Cube Dweller | 9:58 AM

Comments

The quotes attributed to Al Gore and Bill Clinton are in fact from President George W. Bush, according to the book "Bushisms: The Accidental Wit and Wisdom of our 43rd President" by Jacob Weisberg. The one attributed to Keppel Enderbery is also very close to one attributed to Bush.

Posted by: Eric at October 14, 2006 11:43 AM

The first quote was actually said by Miss India rather than Heather Whitestone.

Posted by: Tori at October 26, 2006 12:41 AM

The photo you have of Mark S. Fowler is a photo of the actor, Todd Carty, who plays the character Mark Fowler in The Eastenders, on BBC (See http://www.bbc.co.uk/eastenders/eastenders/characters/character_content/character_mark_f.shtml )

Posted by: Mark Couch at November 13, 2006 7:09 PM

That person Eric is an idiot. Those quote attributed to Al Gore and Bill Clinton were indeed said by those men, hence being attributed to them.

Posted by: Lara at February 12, 2007 12:30 AM

The quotes attributed to Clinton and Gore were actually not said by Kerry, Bush, Clinton, or Gore. They were written by political satire writers in the late 80's and early 90's to be examples of things that Dan Quayle would say. However, he didn't actually say them either. Please research these things before you post them or don't post them at all.

Go to Snopes, urban myths, and Wikipedia for more information (unless you feel they are controlled by liberals or some other irrational cop-out for avoiding research).

Posted by: Mr. Jones at January 4, 2009 10:31 PM

Al Gore want young green hoods to take part in a ct of civil disobedence to block the construction of a coal plant not surprising since he once tried to block the construction of a WTI plant in EAST LIVERPOOL OHIO providing gore is a eco-freak rich liberal demacratic spoiled brat

Posted by: SPURWING PLOVER at May 24, 2009 12:47 AM

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October 13, 2006