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February 28, 2006


Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock,

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Office Spam™ | By Cube Dweller | 11:24 AM


Not brightest bulb on the block huh? Dumb@@s!

Posted by: G at October 10, 2006 12:47 AM

I actually think he did the right thing, although he could have asked someone who knew, like a cop. I know many police officers are made to feel the effects of non-lethal weapons so they can gague the effectiveness. The biggest mistake he made was doing it to himself, he should have had someone else do it to him.

Posted by: Adam at November 17, 2006 10:33 AM

What an ingenious ad, I say.

It is known that underpowered stun guns are just that, underpowered. Thugs, especially thugs on drugs, can ignore the effects.

Posted by: Doctor at November 17, 2006 11:13 AM

It is very well known that stun guns kill. You need to go back to crazy irreverant Doctor land and find a wife and settle down.

Posted by: Charles Jillian at November 17, 2006 12:42 PM

I call bs. A couple of friends of mine owned stun guns in college (I'm now 24) and we would shock each other all of the time. It sounds like we had similar models (also 100,000V) to what you describe, except I'm pretty sure ours ran off of 9V batteries.

Anyways, we would shock each other and ourselves for 1, 2, 3, and 4 seconds. There was no crying, there was no passing out. I'm not trying to sound like a tough guy -- it just doesn't hurt that much. Granted, we never shocked each other in any of the most vital parts of the body, namely the head, neck, and upper chest (we didn't really want to find out that someone had a heart condition the hard way). Through experimentation we found that the least painful places to shock someone is on a large muscle, namely the buttocks or the thigh. On bones, like fingers, it can hurt like a bitch, but not as much as jamming your finger on the basketball court.

Getting shocked causes a major spasm in whichever muscle you shock (not your hand) which is followed by a feeling of numbness. On a solid 3-4 second shock you can give yourself a pretty good dead-leg, but it only lasts a few minutes and barely leaves a mark. Additionally, if you shock yourself in a limb, that limb will reflexivly jump away from the attack. If you were to attempt to shock yourself in the arm for more than the initial shock (the shocks come in a series of bursts from a capacitor), you have to essentially "chase" your arm as it attempts to retreat.

Stun guns and tasers become life threatening when used on someone with a medical condition or used multiple times on or near vital organs. Do I condone police officers using these weapons as opposed to guns and batons? You better believe I do. Do I condone them using them in a dangerous manner, by shocking people repeatedly in life threatening ways? Hell no. A stun gun is a weapon and should be handled properly. It is my personal opinion that those UCLA police officers should go to jail.

Finally, I should note as a disclaimer: What we did was stupid, and I would never, ever recommend or condone trying it out yourself.

Cube Dweller Edit Note: Thanks Cleve for the comment. I did change your expletive to a bs. Sorry, but I really want to keep this blog in the SFW area, and do not want to trip any corporate spam filters. Hope you donít mind.

Posted by: Cleve at November 17, 2006 2:07 PM

@Charles: the problem is that controlled versus uncontrolled experiments are vastly different. While I believe you, and agree with you pretty much on every account you mention, I must say that from the very least I can see that you and your friends weren't trying this on bare skin in the 'inside' part of your body.
Stun guns do kill.

But let's just put that in perspective: I know a person who jumped off an airplane, sky-diving, his chute didn't open, and he landed face down on the ground. From an airplane! He survived.
I do stunt work, and I know many many accidents where people have fallen from over 15ft and land in a weird position and they're fine.
Right? right. Ok. I also know of *countless* people who have broken their necks tumbling and either died or are parapalegic now. Do you realize what that means? A conservative 6 foot drop, that's what a tumbling accident is.

So, in the end, when a cop is running after someone in a foot chase, and accidentaly zaps the suspect in 'just the right' spot, he can easily kill him (as the numbers already show)

Posted by: Me at November 17, 2006 6:21 PM

whops. My response was to Cleve

Posted by: Me at November 17, 2006 6:26 PM

Well Me (if that is your real name :), I can't argue with your 'just the right spot' argument, because you are clearly right. You can kill a person with MUCH less amperage than a 9V battery can provide, given the correct circumstances.

And while I'm sure you understand, I think I should point out to anyone else who may be reading that in general, a 6 foot fall in a random position is significantly more dangerous than a shock from a 100,000V stun gun in a random location, so it's not exactly comparing apples to apples.

And what I really meant to state when I wrote that I condone the use of stun guns by police officers was that I would prefer to see an officer using a stun gun than a gun or baton. In my personal opinion, the average gun shot or baton strike is far more damaging than an average stun gun shock. So, out of these three weapons, I would prefer to see the officer (assuming force is necessary) use a stun gun in the foot chase you describe.

On your comment in regard to my experiences, we did shock each other on bare skin. Clothes do dampen the effects, but not normally not by much. I'm not sure what you mean by the 'inside' part of the body, but like I said we didn't test the head, neck, or upper torso. But then again, neither did the guy in the blog entry.

Posted by: Cleve at November 17, 2006 7:08 PM

It's not the volts, it's the amps that getcha.

Posted by: E at December 13, 2006 3:44 PM

I, as well, call B.S.! I have been tazed with this model. 9V battery though. While it does hurt wile contact is made..... I almost completely recover the moment it is removed from my body. If I was a mugger....I would only be enraged by this thing. The tazers cops have is the only way to go.

Posted by: rick at January 11, 2007 11:10 AM

I once worked for a gun distributor and the sales rep for a taser company came in to demonstrate their product. They picked the biggest guy in the room and zapped him with it, and he went over like the proverbial ton of bricks. Shaken, he got back to his feet and discussed his experience with the rest of us. At that point, another one of the guys chimed in,"Hey, can you try that on me?"

Posted by: Lisa at February 5, 2007 3:14 PM

Tasers are *not* underpowered. They are about the most powerful stun guns in existence. They don't sport little AAA or 9V batteries either.

Electric shock can kill, no doubt about that. But if you are going to rely on a stun gun for self defense, underpowered is *not* the way to go.

Posted by: Doctor at February 11, 2007 3:35 PM

the guy who posted saying voltage is not what is important its the amps is right...

being an electrician I could make a home made stun gun that could easily deliver a lethal dose of electricity with something as small as a 6 volt battery I could probably go smaller then that if I wanted to spend more on the components required

Posted by: Glenn at February 28, 2007 7:24 AM

never underestimate the power of tripple-A batteries. I think it was a nobel thing to at least make sure the damn thing would actually do it's job if it came down to it. My hats off to you,"Mr tripple A battery tasergun tester." Good luck and godspeed!

Posted by: berto at April 3, 2007 5:08 PM

please spam me

Posted by: honda john at November 6, 2007 2:39 PM

Hey! That was dangerously stupid!

Don't underestimate even a small object of weaponry, if it says it can temporarily paralize someone via electric shock, then chances are the makers of the product weren't lying just to see what the comsumer what do in order to test it before defensive use.
Don't do that.

Posted by: Sy at April 2, 2009 10:17 PM

What hapened to ur ballz? :S

Posted by: nobody at August 20, 2009 10:58 AM

awesome that's was hilarious almost as good as guy who try to rope a deer lol

Posted by: lisa at February 12, 2012 8:48 PM

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